I have made a very big decision. It’s exciting and a little terrifying. I know quite a few people are going to object. To my decision, and since I know that I can easily under family pressure because I have a soft spot put these people. I’m not going out of my way to announce it or tell everybody. However I know some are going to have questions on why. So I would like to explain myself, and the decision I have made.
Body positivity is important to me, because I shouldn’t have to diet and starve myself to be accepted by others. I need body positivity because I need desperately to learn how to love myself. It is a struggle to walk around in life and try your hardest to live up to society’s standards, and in the end I only ended up hating myself. This hatred for myself that into my depression creating a very nasty cycle. Cycle I intend to break.
I have died and exercised, I have starved myself, I have tried everything I can to be skinny, because all I’ve ever wanted was just feel beautiful in my own skin. When I first heard of body positivity, I had a hard time accepting it, because Society had brainwashed me into thinking the only way you can be pretty is to be skinny.
I am very body positive person now, but it has been a very long journey, and even now sometimes it’s hard for me to be so body positive out in public because I can see the laughing and pointing. Body positivity is a struggle everyday, even when I’m around friends and family.
I know my friends and family don’t mean the things they say. I know acquaintances don’t realize how something sound like: “wow, you carry your weight so well!” or when others tell me ” Even though you are heavy set you’re still pretty…” Is not a compliment. ‘ even though?!’ I wish I could explain help belittling that sounds to what I have achieved.
I now buy clothes that I want to wear. I’m not so afraid of patterns or colors, and now that I have some free time from hating myself everyday I can do new things to better myself. The best part of this is, in the end I love myself even more.
I like wearing my backless tops even if you think I look funny in them, I enjoy wearing my short shorts even if you think my thighs are too big, or are going for a jog in a sports bra and some shorts because it’s 90 degrees outside. Lately I have been thinking about some things, and what’s the next step I can take in my new body positive world.
Something that I still struggle with sometimes, is learning to be me even when others around me think I look ugly or silly. Which got me to thinking about all the other body positive people that I see on social media like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, ect. I started doing a little bit of research, I started reading posts about how some body positive people got started, how others almost quit because of the negative comments what surrounded them, or had to deal with the reality of being a meme for other poeple’s amusement…
Okay let’s take a step back for a moment. It’s not all clouds and Doomsday. Body positivity has really made its mark. Thanks to those people who grew that thick skin and show the world you can be any size and look amazing. We have proved the body positivity can the accepted, and loved. The movement really has made a big wave in Media, for both men and women. I’m not going to lie we still have a long way to go. However it is definitely a start.
While trying to figure out how to approach my next step towards better Body positivity I stumbled upon an article how even with social media we have today on body positivity, it does not encompass everyone, and discludes some body types. They were not wrong, even I have noticed that a lot of the plus size models, and very popular social media advocates for body positivity all head some things in common. The first and foremost is they were ‘hand-picked’ plus-size bodies. These are the bodies that were the not so plus-sized, or most appealing to the eyes, ‘plus size models.’ Most of the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and/or YouTuber sadly are plus size hourglass shape, and or plus-sized pear-shaped women.
Obviously not every one of them was as described, but the ones that were became so popular because society handpicked them,for their ‘acceptable’ hourglass or pear-shaped bodies. The article was filled with testimonies of women who would like to see their body type shown somewhere in the media.
Something that really struck a chord with me, is that most body positive activist say that the reason they do what they do is mainly for them, and for others like them. This is what gave me the idea to make my own body positive Instagram account.
Here’s the thing I need to grow tougher skin to live in today’s world . I shouldn’t have to but I do . I love promoting body positivity so why not do it with my own Barrel/ apple shaped body. This is definitely outside of my comfort zone and I’m a little scared I might not be able to handle it, but then I remember all the body positive people that I love. They all started out the same way, and maybe it’s not for me, but I won’t know until I try. With this said I am already worried about what my friends and family might think, but let me remind anyone reading this I’m not making a porno- I in no way shape or form will be naked- the end.
This is not for attention, or because I think I could get famous. This is me showing the world me the parts of me that Society considers ugly. This account as for me accepting myself in all my amazing clothing whether it’s ‘meant for’ me or not, and yes I will be showing a little skin, but that encompasses my flabby arms, my double chin, extra tummy fat, my extra round head, my super stubby legs, not to mention every scar I have on my body.
I plan on dealing with the negativity as it comes, from comments to my friends and family. However I have no intention of backing down. Even if I have to delete the account a couple times and restart it I will. You see as much as it is for me it’s also for the very few people I may inspire to love themselves. I know Others May think I won’t be able to handle it, because they know me so well. Here’s the thing though I’m not so fragile that I can’t put myself back together again if it doesn’t work.
I have made rules for myself and my new account that I will be starting up here soon.
- I will be anonymous. Not because I’m ashamed but because I do not want this to impact my life in the real world.
- I will not give rude and demeaning comments a second thought. They will be deleted and the person will be blocked. I will not even respond.
- I will do a photoshoot once a week, and I will use the photos I got whether it’s 1 or 20.
This is something I want to do or attempt anyways. For those of you that may support me thank you, for those of you that won’t, it’s okay.