It’s Ema Jayne, Not Mary Jane.

I dislike it when poeple refer to my weed in any context- other then to ask me for some. I don’t mind sharing. I understand that some people are very proud stoners, potheads, and ect. I’m not ashamed of it, but I don’t want to be referred to as a stoner or a pothead, I don’t want to have my life labeled like that. I hate being referred to as a stoner, I also understand the reasoning of why. I smoke it regularly and thats what a pothead is right? 

The reason I don’t like being called a stoner or a pothead is because it comes with connotations like this one: ‘all I do is sit around and smoke weed.’but thats not me! I work so hard and weed is litrally the last thing on my mind. I run around between full-time work and college to make myself a better life, and the weed is to hold myself together. I work so hard with little to no social life or any outlet for my stress.

 My entire exsistance doesn’t revolve around this one substance. I don’t need weed, but it does help- like I dont need a pillow to sleep, but damn it really helps you fall asleep with something to support my neck and without make my arm fall asleep.

Sometimes I don’t want to medicate anymore cause everyone thinks its a topic that I always want to talk about… I mean for the most part its a medication first. Its kinda like a friend always bringing up anti depressants every time you have to take yours. However I remind myself that I smoke weed to help me mentally.

If anyone could remember a few years back- haha, even just a year ago I was an emotional wreck with mood swings from here to there. It was hard on my family and my friends and I never wanted to be that kind of burden. I tried so hard to get on other antidepressants and go through therapy but they just didn’t work, I must have tried at least ten different antidepressants,(with my chemical imbalance I get a few extra unpleasent side affects) and therapy just seem to make me more depressed. (Talking about it is fine, but it as never helped me get passed my depression.) 

Back then, I was at a loss and realized I was just going to have to fight it the rest of my life. It was an unsettling thought, but then I found something that makes me feel so normal. I can concentrate, I can hear people and understand what they’re saying, not only that but I smile more and I’m happy. I can focus the good parts of life instead of dwelling on the bad parts, and people like being around me.

I know my friends and family have been very nice in the past about my problems, I know I was a mess and some one who was hard to be around. I don’t blame the people who stopped being friends with me a while ago I was a mess and I didn’t know what to do, and I was so grateful for the friends that stuck with me. I know this now.

 I also know, after smoking weed regularly I was no longer such a mess. All of a sudden can’t think straight. I can enjoy my life! I’m not a stoner and I am not a pothead. I am my own person and I will not be defined by something I take as a medication. No one should. I know this substance is new, and I know for a while it was considered as bad as meth, or coke, but heres the thing its not! All I do is medicate and I shouldnt be shamed by that.

I love you all and I hope you can understand, where I am coming from.

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